Sitting in the not knowing

I sit and write this with the intention of something I’m sharing in the process of what I’m going through is going to support someone.

Truth be told, this morning I had a whole message planned out, and knew exactly what I was going to say.
The message seemed clear.

The message was around running a business which is tied into your spiritual purpose and gifts. 

I wanted to write to you all about how as a priestess, healer, witch, medicine woman, psychic etc the ‘work’ sometimes - the next ‘step’ or action to take - is actually the awakening, or initiation you are going through.

That the soul work, the stillness, the purging, the integration, is the the medicine that is needed at that time - the messages that I’m then later able to share and teach on come from these periods of nothingness, of working through my shadows and my fears.

My messages in my meditation this morning were aligned with this-

If you can’t see the action to take, there is no action to take (and as a manifesting generator, it’s always important for me to wait for the ‘impulse’, ‘green light’ or ‘sign’ to act on - when there is no impulse or sign it’s incredibly difficult for me to generate that energy on my own).

I see that in the past few years I have often gone through cycles within my awakening and initiation process which have affected how I am able to show up in my business.

I go through periods of long, deep soul work and healing, which then inspire a shift towards creativity and inspiration and forward momentum.

I sit in the void space of frustration and ‘not knowing’ for quite some time.

Always feeling like I need to be doing more, I need to be showing up for my audience, sharing, offering things… but at the same time feeling like I’m flogging a dead horse, that I don’t have the impulse or inspired idea, so what’s the point?

I know that when I get an inspired idea, mountains move. Miracles happen. Things align magically for me. When I act on those impulses it’s nothing short of magic.

I know that when I am in this process of healing and purification, it often feels like I'm sharing my message to a wall and meeting deaf ears, that the vibration behind what I’m sharing is heavy, that I wont’ receive the gratification I desire in those moments because it’s about me letting go of that gratification… so why bother?

This is when the conflict arises.

In the spaces of nothingness, of my soul work, of my initiation process… I feel frustrated.

I feel like I should be doing something.
And I wonder if my not taking action is actually aligned with the cycle I’m in, or whether I’m stuck in a holding pattern.

I dream of a time where even in these moments of my own healing and initiation, I’m able to show up consistently and take action, even when I don’t feel like it, I don’t want to, I hardly have the motivation to get out of bed let alone show up and share online.

It’s this way every single time, until somehow, eventually I break through.

The new ideas, the inspirations, the momentum happens.

The messages are received.

I’m connected with the souls I need to be connected to, and feel like I am serving in the ways I need to be.

So I suppose my message today started out being about giving you permission to lean into the nothingness, that the nothingness, the healing, the process you are in is just as much your ‘work’ as the tangible actions you take in your business.

But it’s morphed into something else along the way.

It’s about being okay with the not knowing.

Truth be told, right now I don’t know whether the messages I am receiving about patiently waiting, not taking action, being prepared for my next step are actually truth…

Or if this is the same old holding pattern where I don’t want to show up in my imperfection, I don’t want to take action when it feels like ‘it’s not working and nobody is listening anyway, so what’s the point’….

And I have to be okay in that not knowing, until the clarity drops in.

I need to be willing to ride the emotional wave (again, my human design is emotional/sacral authority).

And that maybe the messages that I need to be sharing right now is actually the very real process I’m going through, in the hope that someone out there needs to hear that we all go through these cycles and struggles.

That sometimes, even as the most gifted, powerful, psychic AF witch, you don’t know the answer.

You don’t know the way forward, or if it’ll even come.

I know that there are things I’ve lined up in the coming weeks will propel me into momentum and inspiration, I know I am being prepared for this… and that perhaps I’m still being made to patiently wait.

That even though it’s the most uncomfortable thing sometimes, accepting the fact that you don’t know right now is the only thing that you need to know.

Collectively we have been going through a MASSIVE timeline closing, and ending of karmic cycles. Given that I often go through things that are aligned with what’s going on collectively (so I can share and support others going through it) I’m sure I’m not the only one here right now.

So perhaps this message will give someone some comfort and reassurance.

It’s okay to not know.

It’s okay to be in limbo.

It’s okay to feel frustrated with yourself and unsure whether you’re holding yourself back, or you’re genuinely not meant to be doing anything but the inner work.

Your soul always knows, and will always give you what you need to break through, when you need it.

 You’ve got this.