A Reason, A Season, or a Lifetime? Soulmates, Karmics and the Twin Flame

When you have ‘unfinished business’ or outstanding karma with an individual that you have agreed to meet in this reincarnation and settle, this is where the concept of a ‘karmic’ relationship comes from. We agree with this soul - prior to incarnating - that we will meet in this lifetime to clear whatever karma there exists between us, to get that ‘cosmic closure’ we never got, or to learn whatever particular lessons we need to learn through these relationships. We agree to meet particular souls here in this incarnation to play out the experiences that are necessary for us to evolve and grow. These can be - but are not limited to - highly charged romantic relationships, which makes them particularly painful at times.

We can have these contracts with friends, parents, family members, work colleagues, bosses. In fact, every encounter and connection we have with another person provides us with a cosmic mirror that enables us to better know and understand ourselves - so in a sense, all relationships are karmic in nature.
Of course, we have free will and can always choose to not engage in these contracts or clear whatever karma there is to clear. However, these contracts are usually agreed on for our highest good and to have us fulfilling our highest level of evolution and growth possible - whether they’re enjoyable experiences via the lens of our human perspective, or not. Remember, your soul chose this. And probably for a damn good reason.

There are some contracts with are more ‘fixed’ than others - for instance if there is a lot of outstanding karma that you have agreed to clear in this lifetime with a specific soul, they are holding onto pieces of your soul from these multiple lifetimes, or if it is your last incarnation here on Earth and your soul needs to ‘tie up loose ends’ so to speak. Other contracts can be fulfilled by multiple different soulmates if a timeline was to shift due to free will or personal choice. For instance, Soulmate A was the highest, most aligned option to help you learn the lesson of x, but Soulmate A decided not to engage the connection (due to free will). Your soul still desired to have this experience or learning of X and it was imperative to your evolution or fulfilling your mission here, and so soulmate B arrives to enable you to still go through the process of evolution.
We have multiple different soulmates and karmic relationships - not just one, like a ‘twin flame’ - and therefore, multiple different ways to have the same experience and evolve should a timeline shift due to personal choice or free will.

One example of healing this outstanding karma between two souls could be that person betrayed or harmed you in a past life (perhaps because you betrayed them in an incarnation before that, or have been playing out this cycle with each other for many lifetimes) and you have the opportunity to forgive them in this one. That is, if you wish to take the high road, end the karmic cycle and not continue to go round and round in this cycle of tit-for-tat with each other. Again, no judgement if the latter is what you’d prefer. Clearing the karmic contract with this person is simply a matter of learning the damn lesson and choosing the opposite experience - for instance, practicing forgiveness for their betrayal or cultivating loyalty within yourself - which ends the cycle from perpetuating. It doesn’t matter if they don’t learn the lesson but you do, or vice versa. If either person learns the lesson and has the experience they need to have in order to evolve, the cycle is broken and that karmic bond dissolves. If this karmic relationship is romantic in nature, the magnetic pull you once had towards each other often disappears when the karmic bond is broken. That does not mean that you aren’t able to maintain a relationship with this person, or keep them in your life - but often, there is no need or desire to. Alternatively, when the karma is cleared in a high- vibrational soulmate relationship (romantic or non-romantic) then only love remains.

You might have chosen to have a particular contract with a parent of yours - for instance, a few years ago I uncovered a contract that I had with my mother (P.S. I love you so much, Mama bear, and am eternally grateful for you - there are literally no words that are adept in expressing this) which has enabled me to fully heal from childhood trauma and transform our relationship in a beautiful, positive way. Full disclosure, I had Mummy issues for the vast majority of my adolescence. Biiiiig time. I was a very bitter, angry young woman - hence all the drinking, one- night-stands and partying - and resented her for a very long time for what she ‘put us through’ - even if, deep down I still loved her, being my mother and all. When I learnt that her contract with me was to trigger me in order to propel my soul evolution and growth - essentially, being single handedly the reason myself and my sister are in the healing arts, helping other people with our gifts - I was able to let go of a lot of resentment of the things that I went through as a child. I was able to forgive and also understand that none of what I had perceived as a child to be ‘traumatic’ was being done to me out of the intention to inflict harm - something I gleaned as a result of going through my own mental health issues as a young adult. I am now able to see all of the beautiful traits she has passed to me - such as her compassion, her big heart, her warmth, her realness, her creativity and her quirky ‘wild’ side - and let go of the grudge I held about how she ‘traumatised’ us. In fact, in sharing that her contract was to trigger us through the battles she was going through, it has brought her a great deal of relief too. She’d never understood what her purpose in life was, or why she had to struggle and suffer through intense mental and chronic health struggles - but all the while knowing that being a mother to these two particular children was the most important thing she’d ever do. In knowing that the choice her soul made - to come here and suffer through all her own battles, to be that trigger and mirror for us - it has brought an understanding of the love and the personal sacrifice that was behind that choice. I know that my mother loves me - has always loved me, well before we even incarnated in this lifetime together - and I understand that this was simply a karmic contract we both agreed to play out. Thank you, Mama Bear! Turns out you nailed this whole parenting thing, after all.

Then, there are the romantic contracts. Ohhh, the romantic contracts. The core purpose of these particular contracts - perhaps even more so than non-romantic contracts, due to the intense feelings of love that we feel in these connections - is to bring us back to unconditional love by cracking our hearts open through heartbreak, forgiveness and intimacy. This happens by triggering all of our insecurities, wounding, attachment styles, fears about intimacy, betrayal, self-worth blocks, past life baggage and forcing us to exercise a deep level of self-love and acceptance. There is no better mirror for all of your deep subconscious bullshit than another person, reflecting it right back to you. Difficult as it might be, these relationships and connections are our biggest teachers in life - the biggest catalyst for us to grow into deeper and higher expressions of love.

It’s relatively easy to practice spiritual concepts like presence, being aware of your own triggering and non-judgement until you begin to throw a swarthy of brain chemicals, pheromones, attraction, relationship dynamics, exes and intoxicating love into the mix.
It’s easy to remain balanced, objective and neutral when your heart isn’t in it. Love can do some crazy things to people, to put it lightly.

The real test is being able to engage in these connections without projecting all of your wounding onto that person, blaming them for how you feel or what is happening in your dynamic without looking at your own stuff, pushing that person away out of fear of intimacy, engaging in co- dependency or shutting down completely (and running - far, far away). These relationships go straight to the core of our childhood wounds in how we relate to others, how we experience or perceive love and the ways in which love was or wasn’t given to us growing up. They force us to get comfortable with intimacy, vulnerability and facing the potential of rejection or heartbreak. They teach us that true love just is. It is not conditional - contingent on being reciprocated by another, by them ‘loving us back’ or acting in a certain way towards us, by forcing the other person to change in order to ‘deserve’ your love or retracting your love when that person doesn’t choose you. They teach us that the love you feel doesn’t suddenly go away when the relationship ends, that person leaves your life or you meet someone new - and that’s okay. They teach us that in experiencing this true, unconditional and eternal love for another - while still being able to ‘let it go’ instead of clutching it tight and demanding it be something it’s not - you are opening yourself up to experience more and more love in your life. You realise that with every heartbreak, every soulmate, every karmic you encounter, your heart cracks open a little bit more. You are able to love a little deeper, hold space for more love in your life. And most importantly of all, you are able to finally come to a deep place of self-love.

Not to mention, that feeling of heartbreak or releasing attachment to who you thought was ‘the One’ might just be the catalyst you need to ‘break’ your ego, for the light to finally stream through, for your destiny to be made manifest. They say your biggest creative breakthrough often comes right after your biggest heartbreak. So if you are enjoying reading this book, be sure to energetically thank the past-life-lover who miraculously showed up on the front doorstep of my villa a year ago for holding up a cosmic mirror, triggering all of my self-love stuff, all of my ‘unworthy’, ‘unlovable’ and ‘afraid of vulnerability’ wounds, along with all of the past lives where he literally upped and died on me (so rude), breaking my heart wide open, forcing me to meet my edges again and again and as a result, allowing this creation to be born into the world. I always joked with him that one day he’d make me rich from all the things I’d had to clear as a result of meeting him, so I suppose I’d better write him a cheque when this book becomes a bestseller. It took nearly a year for me to release the karmic baggage and clear all the wounding from the past life memories that continued to randomly resurface after meeting this soul again in this lifetime, continuing for months even after I had put distance between us physically. It took a lot of going back and forth in my own mind, analysing every little detail, crying and cursing the Universe, wondering what the nature of the connection was and whether we would ever have a place in each other’s future.
However, I’m pleased to report that after many hard words with his higher self, writing sappy articles about true love and crying in the bathtub whilst listening to the song he recorded for me on repeat - I have finally reached a point of acceptance and surrender where I trust the age old cliches of ‘what is meant for you will not pass you by’ and ‘if you truly love someone, let them go’. Having overcome the addictive trauma bonding that tied me to him, I can see that this soul was brought into my life to catalyse my growth in the most intense and beautiful way possible, and I no longer have any attachment or need for the relationship to evolve into anything else. While the love I have for this beautiful soul has not gone anywhere - and probably won’t go anywhere, because it’s as close to unconditional as you can get - I am simply grateful for the lessons, the healing, the self- love, the growth and the creative breakthroughs his presence in my life brought me. (And hey, you- know-who-you-are, if you’re reading this: thank you, I love you, please put that guitar down or I’ll start crying again and let’s go!) I genuinely can’t think about him or the time we spent together without smiling to myself about the mysteries of the universe, the ways in which my heart has cracked open and sending him deep gratitude and love for being the catalyst that lit the creative fire under my ass to write this book.

That’s what I call spiritual growth.
Now that wildly personal share complete with in-jokes that you don’t understand is over... returning right back to where we were...

You are destined to play out certain dynamics and unfulfilled karma with particular souls - soul mates, karmic relationships and the elusive ‘twin flame’. No matter which dynamic it is, there is a sense of true love - an unshakable bond, instant connection, magnetic pull, a feeling of familiarity - within these connections which is intoxicating and also incredibly confronting if you’ve never experienced this deep love before. It can also be the cause of some incredibly toxic behavior rearing its ugly head (particularly in karmic relationships, where your only goal is to learn the lesson and release yourself from the toxic behaviour, and thus, end the contract). You might feel yourself questioning your sanity as to how you can feel this way about someone you just met. You might feel as though you’ll never love like this again (spoiler alert, you can and you most likely will). You might find yourself planning your future wedding, fantasising about your entire lives together or picking out baby names. And for some of these connections, that might be a reality. In truth, you never know whether someone is a karmic, a soulmate, or your twin - if they are here for a reason, a season or a lifetime - until you’re already too deep and too involved to tell the difference.

However, for the vast majority of them, there is some cosmic purpose, some soul agreement, some mutual growth and evolution that you have chosen to play out together - and once that has been fulfilled, you are free to release your energetic binds to each other and let go. Allowing your next soul connection to come in - one who is a little bit more aligned, a little bit more suited, who you feel a little bit more love for - to repeat the process all over again, until you meet that ‘special someone’. That’s if you believe in the ‘one true love’ paradigm, but there are also many other relationship models that might better align with your soul such as polyamory or open relating. Not currently my cup of cosmic tea as a serial monogamist, but as they say, to each their own - and perhaps this is something I will evolve into over time.

Here is a brief distinction of what each of these different dynamics are that you might encounter - or are currently engaged in - on your journey.

Soulmates

A soulmate is usually someone you feel instantly comfortable and familiar with, who makes you laugh, who is very supportive of you and who has a deep resonance with your soul. A kindred spirit. You feel totally safe to be your authentic self around them. There is a deep sense of love and affection between you which is unexplainable - it just is. There is also a strong magnetic pull or attraction to this person, which goes beyond the mental realms. You’ll find yourself wanting to be physically close to or around this person - gravitating like a moth to a flame without knowing why. You’ll also get a sense that this is an important connection to you - intuitively you’ll just feel like this is a person you want to pay attention to when you first meet them. There is a very large chance you might feel like you’ve met this person before - there’s a familiarity as if you’ve already shared many conversations, moments and experiences. You have certainly shared past lives with this person before - as lovers, family or as a friend. You might have many interests in common, share a similar sensibility or way of viewing the world and just ‘get’ each other. You might find yourself constantly finishing each other’s sentences or experiencing other things that come with sharing a telepathic connection. These typically are the ‘happy ending’ and ‘long-lasting-marriage’ stories that you hear of, but that’s not to say there aren’t a few lessons and triggers along the way. However, out of the three dynamics, the soulmate is typically the least difficult connection and therefore the most congenial dynamic for long term commitment. Your soulmate(s) comes in when

you are ready for them, in divine timing and almost always have a specific purpose in your life - helping you to fulfil your soul contract or move forward in your journey in some way. Your soulmates come from the same ‘soul stock’ or family. You can also have soulmates that are just friends, or family members (#soulfam). We have many soulmates in our life, unlike the twin flame which there is just one of. Soulmates almost always help us to grow into the best versions of ourselves and support us throughout the process. They are your cheerleaders, your biggest fans and your shoulder to cry on. Sometimes - as we often see in childhood sweethearts or couples that meet and marry young - we will grow apart from our soulmate and no longer have things in common, causing us to drift apart or separate. Other times, your soulmate will evolve and grow with you - giving you that ‘forever love’ romance novels bang on about.

Karmic partners

Of course, as I’ve already discussed, all relationships are karmic in nature. However, there is a specific breed of ‘karmic relationship’ that cops a lot of heat in the spiritual community, because these are notoriously difficult, toxic, karmically-dense relationships. A ‘karmic’ in the context I’m writing about in this paragraph - and the context in which the term ‘karmic relationship’ is offered in most spiritual communities - generally exhibits many traits of trauma bonding. Super intense, turbulent, often co-dependent “I can’t live without you” vibes. I’ve had my fair share of karmics along this journey, including one such karmic who constantly gaslighted me, broke my heart into a million tiny pieces and, as a result, forced me onto the journey to becoming a relationship coach because I just couldn’t fathom having to attract yet another emotionally unavailable fuckboy into my life (seeing as it was clearly me that kept attracting them). The beautiful thing about this particular connection is that once we finished firing shots at each other and evolved on our own paths, we were able to years later have a wonderful, conscious conversation where we admitted to all of our faults and behaviours, and reached a point of peace and understanding with each other. I see now how important this man was on my path to self-love and healing and the influence he had in pushing me onto the trajectory I find myself on now. Thanks a million, my friend - I’m forever grateful for you and happy to see you sharing your beautiful art with the world.

Back to what this notorious ‘karmic’ connection looks like. You’re head over heels in Honeymoon

mode one moment, threatening to burn down each other’s houses the next. You’re breaking up, then getting back together. You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them. These are generally classified by an intense physical chemistry, pull or bond that is quite addictive and intoxicating. Often, one of the people in the dynamic is exhibiting particularly toxic behaviour (gaslighting, narcissism, codependency, manipulation tactics, tantrums, lying, cheating, physical or emotional abuse) and it is the role of the other to build up the self-worth, decide how they desire to be treated, learn the lesson and leave the dynamic. That’s not to say that one person is the ‘bad guy’ and the other one is the innocent all the time - usually in these dynamics, both partners have a degree of growth in which they need before they are able to heal their wounds, recognise their trauma, liberate themselves and break the patterns they are playing out. Karmics are always here to teach us for a lesson - for reason and a season, not for a lifetime - and there is always karma present that must be balanced and restored to neutrality in order for the contract to be complete. Once you have cleared that karma and released the energetic chords, you are both able to move on.

Twin flame

Oh, the ever elusive Twin Flame. Before I share what I understand about twin flames, I need to reiterate that I can only speculate due to the experiences I have had and the fact that my understanding of twin flames has changed as I have grown and evolved on my journey. While I’ve had experiences that have mimicked or mirrored this elusive ‘twin flame’ dynamic, while I have seen many of my friends experience what appears to be a ‘twin flame dynamic’, I cannot definitively say that it is true or not. While I have had my suspicions in the past about a certain connection in my own life which exhibited most of the traits of this elusive ‘twin flame’ dynamic, I’m hesitant to use this label because I find it to be problematic on several levels. The experience of the twin flame dynamic is like any other experience your soul has chosen to have or not have in this incarnation. It is true if you believe it is true and have chosen to experience it as truth. I have certainly had moments on this journey where I wholeheartedly believed that the twin flame dynamic was true, and that I was experiencing this phenomenon. I do think that choosing to believe that created the ‘signs’, synchronicities, confirmations and strong energetic feelings that were occurring and was all part of an experience I agreed to have in order to re-learn the principles of surrender and non-attachment.
In truth, I will never know whether this person is my ‘twin flame’ or just another soul connection with massive amounts of karmic loose-ends to tie, whether twin flames even exist or are simply another construct of human attachment until the day I die.
However, the more I evolve, the more I become skeptical about twin flames or believe in the necessity of the ‘twin flame’ dynamic to bring a soul back to the recognition of inner union. Believing that somebody else out there is your ‘other half’ or ‘missing piece’ or that you are not capable of being whole and complete without that person defies what I now believe to be true about the soul and coming into inner union. It can also lead to a whole lotta human attachment that perpetuates more suffering and separation.
I would much prefer to hold the intention for spirit to bring into my life the highest possible connection available to me at any given moment. Having said that - God, if you’re listening, I’m more than happy for you to swing another soulmate my way instead. Unless, of course, choosing to continue to experience the twin flame dynamic is what I’ve already agreed to, which - knowing my soul and its desire to pick the most challenging circumstances and dynamics to grow through - would not surprise me. And in that case, damn you, Higher Self!

But, I digress. Twin flames. Where to begin? I feel the first - and most important thing - to point out is that not everyone has agreed to come here in this incarnation and meet their twin flame. And if you are one of those people who hasn’t, I wouldn’t be all that bummed about it if I were you, because these connections require a great deal of strength, patience and faith to navigate. Twins do not always incarnate together, and if they do, it is usually because they have a spiritual purpose to fulfil together for assisting the ascension of the planet. This is the number one - I’m hitting this home again, the primary - function of the twin flame dynamic. It is not about coming into physical ‘union’ (relationship) with this person in this 3D realm - that’s just a bonus. You are here to push and trigger each other to grow, evolve and ascend - all the while, having a deep sense of support and unconditional love for each other. You are here to grow together and fulfil some shared purpose with the world. If you are one of the lucky/unlucky (depending on how you look at it) people who has a twin flame that they will encounter in this lifetime, all I can say is: strap yourself in for quite the ride and try as often as you can to remind yourself that this relationship is primarily for your spiritual growth and evolution. Yes, all soul connections are here for your growth, but this is quite literally your cosmic mirror - the other half of your soul - showing up to catapult you into rapidly accelerated growth and ascension. They share the same core wounds or at the very least they expose and mirror your deepest fears right back to you. They share many similarities - similar interests, sense of humor, personality traits - but also have a tendency to balance you out and complement you perfectly with skills, traits and interests that you don’t have. The yin to your yang. The feminine to your masculine.
The myth behind twin flames is this: in Greek mythology, Zeus believed that humans were too powerful, so he split the soul into two - the feminine and the masculine - and for the rest of its existence, that soul would be on the search for its counterpart. When that soul meets its counterpart, it is able to come into ‘divine union’ or wholeness.

However, in order to reach spiritual ‘union’ or ‘unconditional love’, you must first go through a rather elaborate process and numerous stages in the journey in order to prepare yourselves and reach that point individually first before being able to come together.
On this journey you may have to deal with deep, unexplainable and incredibly triggering feelings of love for someone you just met, push/pull/run/chase dynamics, periods of separation, overwhelming feelings of coming home to your ‘soul’ (which is incredibly painful when you’re forced to be without this person for whatever duration of time), kundalini or spiritual awakenings triggered by your twin, telepathic connections and even false twin flames... just to name a few of the trials and challenges. I need to point out that these are not abusive or toxic relationships, as I see so many people in the ‘twin flame’ community falling in the trap of staying with someone who is purposefully treating them like shit because they believe it’s their ‘twin flame’. Your twin flame will never intentionally hurt you, gaslight you, abuse you or manipulate you.
On the flip side - the reason why people go apeshit over the whole ‘twin flame’ connection on the internet - this is said to be the most beautiful dynamic you can ever experience when you are both able to heal individually and return to each other. It is true, unconditional love with your equal counterpart, the other part of your soul. It is being completely seen, understood and accepted by another human being.

Finally, I want to reiterate, once again, that the ‘twin flame’ is not more ‘special’ or ‘important’ than any of the other dynamics, the way a lot of the people on the internet want to make it out. You can still experience true, unconditional love and a happy fairy-tale ending with a soulmate - without the heart-wrenching growth lessons, periods of separation and upheaval that comes with the territory of the twin flame journey.

Here for a reason, a season or a lifetime

I need to reiterate one more time (for those in the back, I’m talking to you, Susan, who is obsessively scrolling through Twin Flame IG accounts), that each of these connections is equally important on your journey to spiritual evolution, growth and unconditional love. Each of these connections forces you to grow, learn things about yourself and progress on your soul path.

These are the relationships that define your life, that change you, where there is always a ‘before-or-after’ meeting this person moment. They can be beautiful, they can be challenging and they can be heart-wrenching... but regardless of the outcome, always remember that you chose this.

You chose this situation, with this person, before you ever came here - and it’s all for your highest good.