Having a light masculine container for your dark feminine chaos & inner union coding

Do you have a divine masculine container for all of your feminine chaos?

I’m gonna be honest about something… I’m often so strongly in the feminine polarity that sometimes I tend to get lost within the chaos of my own emotions.

I’m an advocate for allowing yourself to feel everything, feel the chaos, the moodiness, the sadness, the grief, the pain, the darkness, and not spiritually bypassing yourself or your emotions.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

In fact, I believe its pinnacle to our healing and liberation.

But I’ve certainly gotten into the habit of getting into these cycles where I’m looping in my own storminess and can’t seem to get out of it.

It becomes a self perpetuating cycle where I get so deep in “holding myself in all of the emotion and chaos of the dark feminine” within me that I completely neglect the part of myself that has the capacity to break through all of that… my light masculine.

I’ve always been drawn to men who embody some of the best traits of my father (which are also deeply embedded in my own soul, aspects of me that I need to develop and cultivate).

I was shown this morning that I chose my parents - as wounded as they can be at times - because they hold the template for divine union… or that, in my own process I would be able to bring all of their best parts into the template for divine union that I’m here to share with the world.

When my mum - which is often - is in deep cycles of chaos, moodiness, and her own pain, my dad has a sometimes hilarious, and often irritating AF way of dealing with it.

He’ll poke fun at her, call her “Catty” - her name is Cathy - in this stupid high pitched voice (which drives her mad), make lame Dad jokes, go get her a sandwich, or try whatever he can to break her walls and her mood down. 

Often, he fails miserably to break through the walls of my mum’s chaos, and it actually causes her even deeper resolve to be moody. 

It comes across as insensitive, or infuriating.

But there’s something in what he’s doing, that I’ve just recognised as divine. 

It’s something that I’m forgetting to do for myself, and which find myself seeking in the form of an external masculine through the men that I am attracted to.

It’s the mood break. The lightness. The humour. The breaking through the walls of the chaos with lightness, unconditional love, an energy that says “I’m going to hold you and love you, but I’m not going to buy into your bullshit and allow myself to be dragged into it. Your chaos will not deter me or knock me off course.”

In the past few years I’ve called men into my life that embody the traits in my father which I’m meant to embody in myself - and which I crave from my divine masculine counterpart.

Lightness. Humour. The ability to not get deterred or affected by my dark feminine chaos or my moodiness.

The other day while hanging with two of my beautiful male friends, I was particularly moody and processing a lot of heavy shit that was coming through the collective field. 

I could barely get out of bed.

They both left me alone when they knew I needed it, but also brought me cacao, and gave me hugs, foot rubs, and presence when they returned. 

I was met by so much unconditional love and presence that I felt I wasn’t judged in my moodiness, but also was able to come out of the hole of my own chaos and into lightness.

It’s great to have these external supportive presences in our lives as the dark feminine (and having them appear in physical reality clearly is a testimony to the amount of inner work I’ve done to call that in)… however, we also need to be able to do this for ourselves.

That’s what inner union is.

I recognised today that a lot of the time, I am allowing my chaotic feminine - my inner child throwing a tantrum - call the shots and run the show. 

Not wanting to be un-compassionate, I’ve allowed her to play out the fullness of her emotions and pits of despair… letting her cry in bed for days on end, isolate herself, and push herself deeper into the grief while I hold her through all of it.

That’s great. It’s so important to be able to hold yourself through all of that.

However, the thing I’m not doing enough is bringing in the divine masculine witnessing. 

The mood break. The lightness, the humour. The container for my chaos that prevents me from getting blown away in the storm.

The light feminine qualities of the Inner Mother - the tough, but fair, unconditionally loving mother archetype within me. 

The re-parenting my little girl requires which is in the DISCIPLINE of ‘hey girl, I know you’re feeling really xyz, and that’s true for you right now, and I love you unconditionally, but also, I’m not gonna let you get stuck in this hole all day, or believe any of these thoughts or emotions as truth’. 

It’s the energy of, BECAUSE I love you unconditionally, I’m not going to let you keep doing this to yourself.

Not because your moods are bad and wrong, or the things that you’re believing which are causing you emotional turmoil. 

Not because you are unlovable the way you are.

But because, I know all you really want is to feel seen and loved.

You want to feel the relief of someone caring enough about you that they assist in pulling you out of your self imposed hole.

I desire and crave a partner who is able to not only witness and hold me in my chaos, but who can easily, effortlessly, break through that chaos with lightness, and with love.

Reminding me that these moods, these feelings, these emotions are not permanent.

Telling me it’s going to be okay, that I’m safe, I’m supported, it’s okay to feel this and let it go.

Pulling me closer to him and giving me a cuddle. 

Making a silly joke which snaps me out of my heaviness and doom and gloom. 

We all want to be saved, to be helped, to be supported out of our own darkness and chaos… but how can we do this for ourselves?

There’s times I’m good at it, and times I fail miserably and get caught up in my own moods for weeks on end.

Today, I commit to being that lightness, the humour, that masculine presence for myself.

I’m going to do it by pattern interrupting when I get caught up in my moodiness -allowing myself to play out the emotions with a highly dramatised, performative quality whereby I am putting myself in the position of the actor, and also the observer that is watching all of this ridiculousness go down.

I’m going to do it by allowing myself to bring humour and lightness into it.

I’m going to do it by stopping and witnessing myself every time I’m caught in a downward spiral and saying “hey little Bec, hey shadow, I love you, you’re perfect as you are… but also, we’re not doing this. I love you so much that I’m not going to let you fall into and get lost in this negative story that is not serving you.”

Not brutally ‘calling out my BS’ in a way thats harsh and unloving and causes me to repress my shadow even more.

Not forcing, pushing, or bullying myself.

By setting clear, loving boundaries for my inner child when she throws a tantrum, and reparenting myself.

By noticing when I’m in cycles of moodiness and feeling the weight of the world, and gently bringing myself back to the lightness, ridiculousness and humour in the full spectrum of the experience.

By laughing at myself, and how silly and paradoxical it all really is, being this little human and this wise, ancient soul simultaneously.

This feels like a huge breakthrough for me - or another layer of a breakthrough I’ve had many times - and I’ve been told numerous times it’s to prepare me to share the union templates I’m here to share. 

Last week I had Venusian beings come in to activate a divine union template within me, and prepare me to meet my counterpart. They told me I’d already reached inner union, and now all that was left was the physical representation of that (sacred union with another soul).

Today I finally recognised that I do have the template of inner union already activated within me. 

I just forget sometimes, to include my light masculine into the equation and allow myself to embody the traits that he holds.

So that’s my love rant for today.

I hope that serves.

I’m excited to see what happens when I begin to embody the next level of this inner union, and to assist others in activating their own divine union template, whether thats in partnership, or on my own.