This Is What Happens When You Try to Control Your Manifestation (and Outsmart the Universe)
Our attempt to control or confine the brilliance, the mysteries of the Universe under the premise of our own expectations is often the greatest cause of our frustration.
We believe we know the highest outcome, the full story, the way that things are going to pan out before we even begin the journey, and so we develop expectations which often lead to disappointment when the things that are showing up in our life do not meet these expectations.
We believe we have been jipped, we’ve been ‘tested’ by the Universe and we begin to go around in a spiral of bitterness and frustration - pushing away the blessing that has been bestowed upon us, turning up our nose at the beautiful meal the Universe has been cooking for us all along because it is not to our tastes.
We huff and we puff, we stamp our feet, we complain that our manifestation is not meeting our standards, that we’re being “cock-blocked” or tested by the universe, refusing to show up and recognise the blessing that is showing up in our life.
We get caught up in a negative spiral, propelling ourselves into lower vibrational timelines which reverberate our rejection of the ‘now’ moment and perpetuating realities where we can’t have what we want, where our manifestation shows up in less than desirable ways, and our desires continue to get thwarted.
Then we look around and wonder why we are so unhappy, why we are being punished, why our suffering continues - why it’s always the ‘test’ and never the ‘thing’.
All the while rejecting the medicine, the growth, the beautiful gift that is being offered to us in the present moment if only we would show up in surrender and acceptance of what is, rather than trying to jam, force and manipulate it into being something else we believe we’d prefer and in doing so focusing on what it isn’t.
Here’s what I’ve recognised and learnt along this journey -
(and yet still have somehow managed to forget every single fucking time this same reflection shows up under a different disguise)
It’s the side step, the unexpected plot twist, the ‘almost-but-not-quite-manifestation’, the ‘let down’ that teaches you and enables you to evolve so much more than the desire made manifest.
It is in these moments where we are forced to surrender our control, release our preferences and human attachments and show up in full presence, openness and curiosity - in TRUST that if our heart guided us towards something, it is because it was meant, despite the outcome it was meant for.
In full trust that somehow, someway, what is showing up is guiding you to your desire - even if it looks like a massive redirection, a roadblock or even taking several steps backwards.
It is letting go of the need for that specific THING or person to be or fulfil all of your desires - and therefore, releasing the pressure, expectations and disappointment when trying to jam or force it into being something it’s not.
It is letting go of what your desire even looks like - and therefore, being open to the fact that what is showing up might look wildly different to what you had imagined for yourself.
It is letting go of the timeline, the specific turn of events, the format and the journey in which will lead you to your desire - reacting to everything that shows up with an open heart, with curiosity, openness, surrender and trust that somehow it’s leading you to your destination.
And ultimately, it is letting go of your desire completely - trusting that you cannot possibly fathom with your limited human mind just how wonderful, how magical, how fulfilling your manifestation truly can be if you just release control and let God sort it out.
Trusting that what is meant for you will find you, some how, some way, and will not miss you.
Trusting that whatever shows up will somehow be wildly better than anything you could have dreamed of yourself - even if it’s nothing like what you believed or thought it would be.
Trusting that in every step, every moment, every part of the journey - even the moments where you’ve been brought to your fucking knees - you are receiving the exact medicine you need to evolve into becoming the embodiment of the person who is vibrationally aligned with your desire.
This re-learning has showed up in a multitude of ways on this journey:
Having to surrender my dreams of a successful coaching business - only to be connected with the fulfilment, joy and magic that was the fullness of using my healing and spiritual gifts
Hitting rock bottom financially and facing my biggest fear of failure, returning to live with my folks on their sewing room floor - only to have a beautiful 3 months with my family, experiencing healing in my relationship with my parents and to liberate myself from conditioning around success and my worth
Letting go of time frames and expectations for numerous containers and offerings - to have the most perfect soul mate clients show up days before going live and experiencing powerful, profound and magical journeys together while getting paid more than I’ve ever been paid before
Surrendering my expectations of ‘calling in the one' through a string of painful (yet expansive as fuck) soulmate connections which cracked my heart open and taught me to finally love and value myself, highlighting lifetimes of trauma to finally address and heal
Being guided to do things (too many times to count) which involved taking huge leaps of faith, followed by perceived ‘failure’ or it not panning out the way I had “thought” it would - only to learn, perceive or recognise the gift months or years down the line with the benefit of hindsight
Every single one of these times, I have felt frustrated and defeated. I have felt personally victimised or attacked by the Universe. I have gone into a downward spiral for some time, feeling sorry for myself and therefore creating more realities where things didn’t work out for me.
I have wanted to slip back into old habits, behaviours and ways of being. I have gone around in this loop for some time before catching myself, recognising that it is the same lesson of surrendering my control showing up, reminding myself that everything is always working out for me and that some part of me, consciously or unconsciously created this for a reason.
Every single one of these times I have only felt these things because of my attachment and my expectation - my projection of what would be, rather than objective presence of what was.
Every single one of these times, when I have finally surrendered my control and trusted, I have recognised and received the blessing and the gift.
Every single one of these times, I have felt foolish when I have realised I have been trying to confine the ocean in a tea cup - I have been trying to confine and constrain the brilliance and creative genius of a force so powerful it manifested literally every single thing that exists (and here am I, thinking I somehow know better). I have felt instantly humbled in the knowledge that there are some things I will never know and can never understand. I have felt the recognition of my human fragility, smallness and insignificance in the scheme of the entire Multiverse.
Every single one of these times has strengthened my ability to trust in the flow of the Universe, trust my heart, trust my intuition, and trust that I am always, always, always supported no matter what appears to be showing up in my life - even if the initiations become more bigger, the void spaces become longer, the lessons become more painful, and the leaps of faith become more and more terrifying, commanding more trust and courage than ever before.
And every single one of these times, I have found myself head bowed, knees bent, sobbing on the floor filled with immense gratitude and love when the penny has finally dropped and I have recognised the blessing that has been bestowed on me —
When I have finally recognised that the Universe has responded to my prayers and is always bringing me my desires, even if it doesn’t look like it at first.
Always, always, always.