Straddling The Line Between Insanity | Sanity

Every now and then, I have a crisis of faith where I wonder if any of it is real or if I’m just going batshit insane - my understanding of the universe, of reality, the work I do… spanning to the wackier galactic shit that comes into focus the deeper down the rabbit hole I go (and believe me when I say, science fiction films begin to resemble documentaries the further down you go).

In moments of weakness like this, I ask my soul to give my human a nudge - a sign so ridiculous and obvious that I can’t miss it - that brings me back.

Last night I had a moment where I thought the movie I was watching was talking directly to me, that Source was communicating the message I needed to hear through the TV.

This happens pretty frequently to me, but for some reason yesterday I had a distinct panicked thought of “oh no… am I going crazy?” as I remembered learning about how people with schizophrenia believe their TV is talking to them.

I wondered if people who are in a full blown psychosis, are aware that they are in a delusion.

I wondered if this whole time, I’d been spiralling deeper and deeper and completely lost touch with reality.

And then remembered from my studies in psychology, that if you are asking the question of ‘am I going crazy?’, you’re probably not, because if you were really balls deep in a distorted reality, you wouldn’t have the level of self awareness to question it.

In fact, it’s the ones who aren’t questioning the reality they’re in, and taking it for face value, that are indeed the crazy ones (but I digress).

I continued watching the movie, every single scene and line from the actors permeating through every fibre of my vessel (even if it was a terrible film) like a message to me - feeling crazier and crazier as it went on.

About five minutes later, one of my best friends randomly sends me the message “I actually feel like I’m losing my mind and going crazy”.

Two minutes after that, a former client randomly reached out with the most beautiful message, thanking me for the work I do and the ripple effect us working together has had on her life, and some of the past life purging she was going through currently as a result of listening to a podcast episode I’m on.

Here’s the thing - I don’t believe in coincidences.

I don’t believe that I “just so happened” to stumble across the exact film that I needed to see to give me the confirmations and reassurance I had asked my soul for the night before.

That they just so happened, in this film, to be locked in a projected simulation of reality they created to experience contrast, that they’d accidentally become too attached to, that in this simulation they were able to alter the fabric of reality with their thought and intention.

That while I was watching this, having the thought of “am I crazy?”, my bestie messages asking the same thing, and then moments later, I receive a beautiful message validating the real, tangible effects of the work I do and the impact it has on others.

I can’t have imagined all of that - I have the proof in the form of screenshots of messages and plot synopsis - far less, the timing in which these events occurred.

That was enough to reassure me and avert crisis of faith #3285092385 this year.

(And shit, if this is crazy, I’d rather live in a reality where cool shit like this happens 24/7 then one where it doesn’t).

And so it is for us - healers, psychics, priestesses, shamans…

We’ve been so deeply embedded with this stigma, this branding of ‘crazy’ that even our own minds fight against us with the conditioning we’ve been fed, trying to pin us against ourselves when we begin to question things, where we go round in round in loops questioning if maybe we are insane…

And yes, it feels a lot like you’re going fucking crazy from the level of the human mind.

Because our limited human minds can’t comprehend what the soul knows intimately.

When you begin to question things, when you begin to discover the true nature of reality, it feels fucking crazy - because how can reality be this magical, this mystical, this wild?

How can this reality be like all of the fantasy movies we watched growing up that we thought were just the product of imagination?

And how is it, that so many people are completely, blissfully unaware of all of this?

So, maybe we are crazy.

But I’d rather live in a delusion where miracles and magic actually exist, where people are all connected, where we have beautiful benevolent beings supporting us every step of the way, where I get to do this life thing a bazillion times over and over again (and can never really fuck it up), then one where I simply die and go into the ground.

What would you rather choose to believe?