In the first stages of the goddess awakening within us we will experience rage, anger, distrust of the masculine and mourning for all that the feminine has been put through throughout history, for all of the pain and suffering that has happened in the world at the hand of the wounded masculine. It is in this phase where we reclaim our wild woman and lay aside all of the judgements of the ‘too muchness’ of our raw emotion - the parts of the feminine which have been chastised, rejected or cast away.

Last night I had a moment where I thought the movie I was watching was talking directly to me, that Source was communicating the message I needed to hear through the TV.

This happens pretty frequently to me, but for some reason yesterday I had a distinct panicked thought of “oh no… am I going crazy?” as I remembered learning about how people with schizophrenia believe their TV is talking to them.

I was years into my kundalini rising before I realised what it was. I truly believe that had I known this was the culprit for my weird symptoms and feelings, it would’ve been a lot easier for me to navigate and recognise that I was not actually going insane. I didn’t need to be locked up or fed anti-psychotics. And what was unfolding was in fact a beautiful process that was healing and liberating me.

If you’re feeling out of sorts, like you’re going insane, or you’re experiencing bizarre moments in your day-to-day life, know that it’s not definitive evidence of a psychotic break

Many of us aren’t equipped to deal with (or are seriously unprepared for) the intricate process that is healing. When we start out on our healing journey for the first time, we’re in for a shock because the way that healing is portrayed by many doesn’t accurately depict what we can expect to go through.

In truth, the reality can be super bleak and the healing process can last a long time (and by that I mean our whole life, because we’re always healing and growing).

There’s a misguided notion in the healing and wellness space that we must constantly be healing until the day we die. This has many of us trapped in a healing hole, a deep hole where our ego’s use vicious cycles of healing to keep us in suffering mode.

This notion is dangerous because it perpetuates endless ‘healing’ black holes where we get stuck in constant up and down cycles of healing, purging, and clearing. We never stop to fully integrate, nor do we ever ‘reach’ our destination because we always believe there’s more we must clear and more we must heal.

Kundalini is no joke. It deserves respect, reverence and care.

I am not writing this to scare people off their kundalini practice, or to doom and gloom anyone, because for all the intense and scary things that kundalini can bring on, it can bring equally beautiful and mystical experiences, feelings, and sensations.

Kundalini is literally the life force that enables us to create worlds.

It is pure healing, sexual, creative energy.

It is the most potent, magical gift that we have at our disposal - connecting us to our divinity, our Creator consciousness and our ancient, alien lineages.

I often teach around - and will write many, many more articles surrounding - the joys of kundalini and how to harness this raw creative life force, but this article is not that.

I feel I really need to say this, because not enough people do… as wonderful, potent and magical as kundalini is (and as a kundalini awakening can be) - it is not a force to be played with lightly.

There comes a time in your spiritual journey where it feels like not a lot is happening – in fact, it can feel like you are moving backwards in many ways. Things seem to be falling apart, structures in which you thought were solid are crumbling in front of your eyes, relationships are ending abruptly and doors are closing. 

Yet, you look around and there does not seem to be any hint of the new to replace that which has fallen away. It’s almost a case of three steps forward, two steps back.

You are wondering why you are being made to sacrifice so much, why this crumbling is taking place. You may begin to give up hope entirely and feel like you have back-slid to the state you were in before you started on this journey. It echoes the feelings of despair and hopelessness that the original Dark Night of the Soul stirred within you. 

The term “diving for light” is a concept in which an evolved soul will purposefully allow themselves to plunge into deeper and deeper experiences of darkness so that their soul may once again find their way back to the light of divine love. It is this process of ‘diving for light’ in which the soul is able to experience polarity, experience the suffering and darkness that is intricately wrapped up in being human and through the attachments of ego, and guide itself back to once again choose the truth of oneness and higher expressions of light and unconditional love. The acceptance that even those periods of darkness - those feelings of pain, the ugly and uncomfortable aspects of being in this 3D reality - are simply God expressing itself and experiencing polarity, and therefore, are perfect. That even in the darkest of darkness, love and light can always be found if you allow yourself to. In fact, the only way to get through these periods is to surrender and lean into your connection with the divine.