It’s tempting to want to rationalise or try to understand why we feel certain emotions during the healing process. We often want to know what the root cause of these emotions are, where the wounds come from, what trauma we’re healing from or what’s on the other side of the release.

We believe that if we were to know, it would be easier to give ourselves permission to go there – fully. But the reality is, so much of our wounding is on the level of soul, and what our soul is feeling doesn’t necessarily make logical or rational sense.

There’s something that humanity has forgotten about, and that is the innate ancestral wisdom we all have in our bodies. Our bodies are designed to release trauma, purge, bring us back to homeostasis, balance, and heal. Our bodies are designed to flow with the cycles of the earth – to restore during some seasons and to energize in other seasons.

I was years into my kundalini rising before I realised what it was. I truly believe that had I known this was the culprit for my weird symptoms and feelings, it would’ve been a lot easier for me to navigate and recognise that I was not actually going insane. I didn’t need to be locked up or fed anti-psychotics. And what was unfolding was in fact a beautiful process that was healing and liberating me.

If you’re feeling out of sorts, like you’re going insane, or you’re experiencing bizarre moments in your day-to-day life, know that it’s not definitive evidence of a psychotic break

Many of us aren’t equipped to deal with (or are seriously unprepared for) the intricate process that is healing. When we start out on our healing journey for the first time, we’re in for a shock because the way that healing is portrayed by many doesn’t accurately depict what we can expect to go through.

In truth, the reality can be super bleak and the healing process can last a long time (and by that I mean our whole life, because we’re always healing and growing).

Many light workers are battling deep feelings of wanting to leave the planet right now.

And I need to make it clear that I am not framing it in a nice fluffy “ascending so far we transcend our physical forms and go home” sort of way (because of course, we can always romanticise returning from whence we came, and how things are so much better on our home planets where everything is love and light).

When I talk about these feelings many people are having, I’m referring to desiring to intentionally leave their bodies, end their lifetime in this physical form and exit this planet for good.

There’s a misguided notion in the healing and wellness space that we must constantly be healing until the day we die. This has many of us trapped in a healing hole, a deep hole where our ego’s use vicious cycles of healing to keep us in suffering mode.

This notion is dangerous because it perpetuates endless ‘healing’ black holes where we get stuck in constant up and down cycles of healing, purging, and clearing. We never stop to fully integrate, nor do we ever ‘reach’ our destination because we always believe there’s more we must clear and more we must heal.

Kundalini is no joke. It deserves respect, reverence and care.

I am not writing this to scare people off their kundalini practice, or to doom and gloom anyone, because for all the intense and scary things that kundalini can bring on, it can bring equally beautiful and mystical experiences, feelings, and sensations.

Kundalini is literally the life force that enables us to create worlds.

It is pure healing, sexual, creative energy.

It is the most potent, magical gift that we have at our disposal - connecting us to our divinity, our Creator consciousness and our ancient, alien lineages.

I often teach around - and will write many, many more articles surrounding - the joys of kundalini and how to harness this raw creative life force, but this article is not that.

I feel I really need to say this, because not enough people do… as wonderful, potent and magical as kundalini is (and as a kundalini awakening can be) - it is not a force to be played with lightly.

There comes a time in your spiritual journey where it feels like not a lot is happening – in fact, it can feel like you are moving backwards in many ways. Things seem to be falling apart, structures in which you thought were solid are crumbling in front of your eyes, relationships are ending abruptly and doors are closing. 

Yet, you look around and there does not seem to be any hint of the new to replace that which has fallen away. It’s almost a case of three steps forward, two steps back.

You are wondering why you are being made to sacrifice so much, why this crumbling is taking place. You may begin to give up hope entirely and feel like you have back-slid to the state you were in before you started on this journey. It echoes the feelings of despair and hopelessness that the original Dark Night of the Soul stirred within you. 

Surrender is a term that is thrown around a lot in the spiritual space. It is a term which personally, has the ability to send me into fits of rage simply by being suggested or uttered. “But I was surrendering! I am surrendering! How much more can I surrender, damn it?!”

The act of surrendering (or a hellbent refusal to surrender) has brought upon many painful lessons, many fueled debates with my ego, and many petulant-child-like tantrums where I’ve found myself shaking my fists at the heavens and screaming “fine, you win! I surrender!”

The fact is, as easy as it sounds and as simple as the premise is, surrendering can be anything but easy.

It’s not uncommon as a healer, empath, intuitive, psychic, shaman or someone else who is here to use their spiritual gifts to spend entire days in bed sometimes.

Full disclosure: I’m writing this article from bed as we speak – and I have zero guilt or shame around admitting that once I’m finished writing this article, I’ll probably remain in bed for the rest of the day. #treatyoself

In fact, here is my full permission to allow yourself to do this more often, if you don’t already.

The term “diving for light” is a concept in which an evolved soul will purposefully allow themselves to plunge into deeper and deeper experiences of darkness so that their soul may once again find their way back to the light of divine love. It is this process of ‘diving for light’ in which the soul is able to experience polarity, experience the suffering and darkness that is intricately wrapped up in being human and through the attachments of ego, and guide itself back to once again choose the truth of oneness and higher expressions of light and unconditional love. The acceptance that even those periods of darkness - those feelings of pain, the ugly and uncomfortable aspects of being in this 3D reality - are simply God expressing itself and experiencing polarity, and therefore, are perfect. That even in the darkest of darkness, love and light can always be found if you allow yourself to. In fact, the only way to get through these periods is to surrender and lean into your connection with the divine.